secrecy and suspicion

When she leaves, I am pissed. How can she just walk out, "I don't know what's wrong, or when I'll be back". That's fair. You just go off and figure it out, take your time. I'll stay home by myself, and deal with kids. We settle on an arrangement where she comes home early each morning to pretend to sleep here, and then home after work to make dinner and put the kids to sleep, then slips out. It is so hard at first to see her each day. Wanting so desperatly for her to come back, I am lost without her, right? She is cold and angry and sad, and the more I pull she more she pushes. I can't touch her, text her, call her. I am furious and confused and obssessed that she is fucking this other guy. She's since changed the pwd to our shared ATT account, and she gaurds her iPhone like a mother bear gaurds her cubs. She's turned off her iPhone location tracking, changed her phone password, email password, Facebook password, and the password to our bank account. I am in the dark. Angry and suspicious. I give her chance after chance to come clean about the affair, but she denies it again and again. I want so badly to believe her, but every single sign is there. I am fucking forcing myself to belive her despite her repeated lies. "If I was fucking him, I would tell you". I want to believe. He's kind of a little pussy, so maybe she's telling the truth. But if it's nothing, why does she delete his texts each day she comes through the door? Why isn't he a Facebook friend? Maybe she's not fucking him, he's just her emotional support. That makes me feel fucking greaat too. A shoulder to cry on. This guy is trying to fuck my wife. Wishing he would stop.