nyc
She is leaving for NYC tomorrow with a couple friends. I'm not worried anymore that he is going. How could she tell a lie of that magnitude now? I struggled all night not to reach out and touch her. It is torture. She is right there. She looks so beautiful, so thin and strong and healthy. I count in my head how many times we might have made love these past two weeks apart. I daydream about her all day long. Her body and lips pressing against me. Like yesterday and the day before and the day before, I wonder if today is the day she will realize she must come back. But of course it isn't. I am worried about her. Tonight she seems so tired and defeated. Last thing she needs is a drunken weekend of late nights. At least she won't be spending much time thinking about me. So great for her. I told her tonight that she should go away to a spa for a few days. Just get off the grid and relax. This separation is increasing her axiety level. She is short with the kids, everytime I take a deep breath and exhale, she says "what is wrong with you?!". Her therapy session yesterday opened some wounds. It was on her mind all day I think. We bailed on a school thing and had a pretty good family dinner tonight. Not exactly fun but calm at least. When she left tonight she bent down and gave me a good hug. I drank it up. I took a deep breath of her. I felt her warm skin and strong muscles. And then she pulled back and turned away. Two seconds that will sustain me until tomorrow. She is not broken. I love her. I hope she sleeps tonight.