numb

After dinner in Silverlake with her and the kids, I drove home alone. I was feeling so down today. I asked her who was going with her to her August conference in Vegas, and she immediately assumed I meant him. Geez, what is she planning? And so it comes out. Her friend and this guy and friends going to Vegas later in the month. No word if she's planning to go. Gee, I wonder. She will be hating me if she misses it, and I'll be hating her if she goes. Perfect way to start our family vacation the next day. Fuck I hope she doesn't go. How can she be planning this right now in the middle of this. Oh that's right, she doesn't give a shit about how I feel. She knows that I cannot control her. So fuck me. Of course her cunt friend is doing everything she can to feed this thing. Never crossed her mind to help my wife work things out with me. Give her some fucking space. Reign in the drinks and smoking. I cannot take this thing with this little fucking douchbag anymore. Go the fuck away. Leave my wife and family alone. On the drive home I listened to a sad song. I tried to cry. But I couldn't. Not angry or sad or happy, just nothing. Numb.